For some people, the point of no return begins at the very moment their souls become aware of each others’ existence.
~C. JoyBell C~
Finding true love is something that we all wish for. The type of love that melts every inch of your heart and sets your soul on fire.
Looking back, I have had two soul mate relationships, but I now know that even a soul mate connection seems insignificant when you find your twin flame.
A soul mate is not limited to a romantic relationship and they often bring challenging and heartbreaking lessons in order for our souls to learn and evolve.
Perhaps they are supposed to prepare us for our twin flame?
A twin flame is like yin and yang. Cut from the same flame at the spark of creation and born into human bodies as two separate beings. Most souls live many lifetimes until they reunite, but they eventually find each other, when both souls are ready.
Every single one of us has a twin flame, however most of us go through life having mediocre relationships and we rarely meet our other half.
Perhaps that’s why marriages often don’t work out, because you simply can’t ignore what was pre-destined.
It all started back in the eighties when as a little girl, I used to lie on my garage roof and gaze up at the stars. Even then, I was acutely aware of something that existed beyond what my young mind could even comprehend. I felt it in my heart as a longing for true love.
Little did I know that he was doing the same.
This inner yearning would manifest itself into daydreams and childhood games about finding my one true love. I would peer into wedding shop windows and imagine getting married in the beautiful white dresses that were hanging on the mannequins and I’d spend hours playing with my dolls as if they really were my babies.
My childhood dreams were to find my forever love and be a mother, but sometimes childhood dreams don’t quite go as planned.
I had my first boyfriend and fell pregnant at 17, then I felt completely disillusioned by love. This was not what I had been envisioning, in fact it was quite the opposite.
From that day forth, I continued to have relationship after relationship with men who showed me the opposite, to the love I believed in when I was a little girl.
The final blow came when I flew to Nepal for the idea of love, only to experience physical and verbal abuse from a man who only married me for a visa.
The emotional pain I experienced was enough to finally wake me up.
What the hell had I been doing!
I had been unconsciously attracting the opposite to what I had been wanting. So I decided to remain single for as long as it took to find my true love.
For 8 long years I had felt a magical pull to Australia. I had been longing to move there but I didn’t quite understand why.
Little did I know, he lived there.
When my life changed three years ago, I had planned to move to Byron Bay after my travels in India, but I was diverted back to Nepal under the illusion of love and moving there was delayed.
Eight months later, I finally arrived in the place that I had been dreaming of moving to, but it didn’t turn out the way I had hoped. The dream of living there was slowly replaced with a dose of cold hard reality and despite my best efforts to stay, I felt like I was swimming against a tide and I knew in my heart and soul that I was going to have to leave.
I had reached a cross roads where I had finally ended up where I had been trying to get to for years, but nothing was working. I had to make a choice and although I felt a pull to stay, I had to return to New Zealand.
Feeling disappointed, I booked my flights home, then something came over me. I had never used Tinder before but something whispered to me “what if he lives here?” The strong urge to join was stronger than reason, even though I knew I was leaving Australia in a weeks time!
I always had complete trust and faith in the universe. I was often guided by gut feelings, signs and synchronicities and I was beginning to realise just how strong my connection to that which is eternal was.
I was becoming aware of my ability to manifest, so I started talking to the universe as if she were my friend and I told her that I didn’t understand why any of this was happening and that I didn’t want to leave Australia.
Then, like a sudden flash of lightning, something illuminated inside of me and my intuition led me to ask for the initial of my true loves name.
The universe answered loud and clear with the letter J.
The next day I was matched to a man whose name started with J so I met him, but I knew he wasn’t the one and besides, I was leaving Australia in a few days and I wondered why I even bothered joining Tinder!
I returned to New Zealand and then started matching with numerous men. I must admit, if their name started with J it caught my attention!
I went on a few dates but with my new standards set, I didn’t settle for anyone that I didn’t feel a soul connection with so I decided to set my profile photo to one that I didn’t think was particularly attractive, but I knew would be enough to attract my twin flame, if he so happened to be on there!
I was also tired of dating guys younger than me, who proved immature, so I decided to increase the age limit to 43.
Little did I know, he would soon be turning 43.
The beginning of a new year came and I was glad to see the back of 2016, a year full of challenges, set backs and lessons.
With a brand spanking new year ahead of me and endless opportunities, I decided to write a list of intentions in my OM journal during the first week of 2017.
The two things that I decided I most wanted to manifest was true love and yoga work.
I had spent almost 3 years alone ( I felt alone in Nepal and my experience there did not in any way resemble a relationship) my heart was full to the brim with self-love, my mind was clear of ghosts from the past and I felt ready to meet him.
January the tenth arrived, a day that will forever be etched into my heart. The number ones in the date was yet another auspicious sign from the universe, that my twin flame was near.
Only a few days after writing my new year intentions, the familiar sound that my phone made alerted me to a new match on Tinder and his name started with the letter J.
We began writing long messages to each other, but this time it felt different from the rest. From the moment we started talking there was unexplained chemistry.
We planned on meeting at the beach, however, I didn’t know at the time that he lived in Australia and we had only matched because he had returned home to his place of birth to attend his fathers funeral.
Thinking that it was so refreshing to meet such a lovely guy who also lived in Northland, where there were mainly farmers and plain Joe Blogg types, I thought I had all the time in the world to meet him.
So I cancelled the day we were supposed to meet because I came down with a sore throat. I didn’t hear from him for a few days, which was unlike him and during that time I received a psychic reading from my tarot reader who told me that I wasn’t going to find love this year due to my transient lifestyle and that I would need to go through three more relationships over a three-year period until I settled with ‘the one’ who lived in Australia.
Feeling upset that my lifestyle was going to be the cause of me not being able to be with ‘the one’ I suddenly received a message from J, which instilled in me hope and faith.
He finally told me that he lived in Australia and I felt a little disappointed that he hadn’t told me sooner. If I had of known, I would have made more of an effort to meet him before he left. So we added each other on Facebook and started to communicate daily.
During our long phone calls and messages back in forth, I was continuously blown away by all of the synchronicities that we discovered we had.
From the star-gazing that we both used to do as kids, to our fathers both being three-quarter Maori and born only two days apart on the same year, to our mothers being european. I had been unknowingly hanging out with his late fathers best friend, having dinner next door to his cousin and he was born and raised in Whangarei, right where I was living!
We had five-hour long conversations that often lasted through the night, which brought us to a deep level of intimacy, yet physically we were so far.
Our energies danced and intertwined through the telephone like energetic cables and our eyes transfixed on each other’s during our first video call.
The feeling was so strong, I couldn’t ignore it. He looked and felt familiar and I knew I needed to meet him.
I was lying on the beach on holiday with my mother, when I received a message from the manager of a luxury resort in Bali, asking if I was interested in teaching yoga there in response to an ad I had posted on a Facebook group called Yoga Teaching Jobs Around The World.
At the same time I had received the job offer, J messaged me and I excitedly told him all about it!
One month and a few skype calls to the manager later, I was ecstatic to find out that I had been chosen for the position! J was going to return to New Zealand to meet me but we decided that it was easier that I go to Australia to meet him on my way to Bali.
So it was done. I was going to spend 11 days with him before I headed to Bali and after two and a half months of talking, we only had to wait a few more weeks to meet!
Our connection intensified during the weeks leading up to my arrival in Aussie. Meeting each other was like the final missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle of love and life, but my past made my heart a little weary and the psychic reading played in the back of my mind.
During one of our last phone calls, I told him to have no expectations. Then he told me that he had the words no expectations tatooed in Japanese down his chest, which gave me goosebumps.
We connected on all levels; spiritual, emotional and mental, but I didn’t know if we were going to connect on a physical level. Physical attraction and sexual chemistry was important to me.
My heart whispered to me that he could be the one and my mind warned me to be cautious.
Was he the one?
The day had finally come to meet him and my stomach was in knots. Was he going to like me in person? Was I going to be attracted to him? Will there be chemistry in the physical?
As the plane hit the tarmac I felt a strange sense of calm. I knew this is exactly where I needed to be.
I felt him near.
It was also exactly one year ago, almost to the date, that I had arrived in Byron Bay.
As soon as I walked towards the arrival gate at Sydney International Airport I was overcome with a strong wave of emotions and I felt giddy with excitement. I was about to see him for the first time.
There he was. Standing at a coffee table not far from the gate. I walked over towards him as he walked towards me. Our eyes catching each other’s for the first time, with no screen in between, exuded with an inner knowing. We hugged each other extraordinarily tight for two people that had never met before in this lifetime and I felt his whole body shaking. He handed me a small gift, then he said to me “Can you hear the song that is playing?” Feeling completely floored from a million different emotions, my brain was not working properly and I couldn’t, for the life of me, zone in to hear the song. Then his words “It’s the eye of the tiger” shot me back down to earth so that I was able to listen. I smiled up at him to reassure him, then we both laughed and he stopped shaking.
We always referred to each other by our chinese animal signs, he was a tiger and the eye of the tiger song was playing!
Desperate to get out of the airport and eager to spend time together, we made it to the car without walking into anyone because we couldn’t stop staring at each other. I finally opened the neatly wrapped gift, to find that he had given me a bottle of Australian bush calm remedy. I thought it was such a thoughtful gift, which he obviously needed too, as I squirted a dropper full under our tongues!
The drive home was much the same and I had to keep reminding him to keep his eyes on the road. Red lights suddenly became our favourite thing so we could gaze at each other and the way our fingers intertwined felt so natural and right, as if our hands held memories of meeting in a thousand other lifetimes.
On the way, he pulled over at the side of a bank and led me up a leafy path to the edge of a rocky cliff face that overlooked North Avoca Beach. I was completely lost in the moment and almost forgot where I was standing when he suddenly pulled me in closer to him.
I melted even more and felt dizzy with excitement when our lips met each others for the first time.
All sense of time disappeared as moments turned into hours and days turned into nights and with each passing day I fell a little more in love.
We played in waterfalls, we danced, we sang, we laughed, we kissed, we cried and we held each other tightly.
It rained hard the first few days, as if the gods were weeping tears of joy to witness our reunion, then on the sixth day the clouds finally began to clear, so we decided the time had come to star-gaze.
He packed crackers, cheese, quince paste, chocolate moonrocks, pillows and a blanket and we drove a short distance up a windy, bush clad road until we reached a narrow dirt turn off, only to find that the road had been cordoned off with a big rock, bright orange safety cones and a sign which read ROAD CLOSED.
I couldn’t believe that all the years of stargazing alone and finally meeting the man of my dreams had culminated in a road block to sharing something so special together.
He jumped out of the car and I wondered what he was doing. Little did I realise, he was gauging the distance between the big rock that had been planted in the middle of the road to stop people from driving in and the bank on the other side. All of a sudden, he jumped back into the car and carefully manoeuvred it in between the two obstacles, without scratching the car!
I liked his sense of adventure and that he took a risk and although we both had no idea why the road was closed, he drove carefully down the bumpy dirt road until we safely reached the car park.
We had arrived and the universe had closed the road so that we were the only two souls there!
Feeling grateful, like the universe had conspired to make sure we were alone, we loaded ourselves up with stuff and walked 10 minutes downhill until we reached the most magical lookout I’ve ever seen.
I was speechless.
I had not expected to see what I saw!
He laid the mattress out on a rocky precipice at the edge of the cliff, which looked out towards the most amazing views of the mountains and sea.
We sat together, as close as physically possible, and it felt as if we were floating high in the sky. Sensing my slight fear of heights, he gently slid one arm behind me, while the other hand lovingly fed me cheese and crackers.
It was a perfect, calm balmy evening with no wind and the clouds were slowly dissipating to make way for the stars.
Bright orange, pink, violet and golden-yellow hues of the sunset slowly lit up the sky as we kissed.
I was in bliss and I felt so much gratitude towards him. He held some type of magnetic pull and I couldn’t stop gazing into his eyes. They looked so familiar and I knew he recognised me. I could see myself in him. I could see the entire universe.
Then, in that moment the confines of living in a three-dimensional world disappeared, all sense of time melted away and we became totally lost in each other.
The outside world didn’t exist, it was just the two of us, sitting on the edge of that rocky cliff face, with the whole universe looking down upon us as our energies merged, and once again reunited as one.
I can’t say how long we were eye gazing for because when I looked away, I suddenly realised it had become dark and I got the first glimpse of the starry night sky.
In that moment, he looked up too and we were both in awe. Then suddenly a huge heavy rumbling of thunder broke out that reverberated right into the core of my being. Feeling startled, I asked him “what was that?!” and he replied “we are caught in an epic moment in time love.”
I couldn’t have timed it better myself. Things like that would often happen with odd synchronicity, as if the universe itself was conspiring on behalf of our love story.
Mother nature was clearly entertaining us.
I snuggled into him closer, afraid of the huge bats that were now flying above us and we both became acutely aware of the sky again. The clouds had now completely cleared, opening the black night sky up to be a perfect back drop for the milky way and hundreds of bright twinkling stars. I sat on top of him so that he could frame my face against the picture perfect night sky, then suddenly a huge bright shooting star fell behind me and in that one magical moment in time, the whole universe collided and he gasped with joy and hugged me even tighter.
We laid on that mattress star-gazing for hours. I felt like I had found home and we both didn’t want the night to end.
Then without warning, he suddenly yelled out at the top of his lungs “I love you Taletha” (My parents looked up the name of the star that was shining bright in the sky the night I was born and it was called Taletha so they decided to name me Taleta for short) as if he was declaring his love for me to the heavens. Being a writer rather than a singer like him, I decided to write I love j…. into the sky.
We then looked at each other and smiled.
Without words, we both knew we had made a deal with the universe and had a ceremony to declare our love for each other. Nothing about our relationship was ordinary and it meant more to me than declaring our love for each other in front of a bunch of people.
With the whole universe shooting through our veins, we slowly made our way back up towards the car and fell asleep in each others arms.
I woke up feeling enlivened to the sound of birdsong amongst the trees as the sun light of a new day hit my face.
All my senses had been heightened.
Everything looked beautiful.
And then I suddenly realised that it had been written in the stars all along.
Despite our history, we still managed to meet at the perfect moment in time, almost as if by some plan which we were unaware of.
I was totally, head over heels in love with Jason and I knew I had found my twin flame.
My forever love.